NovelUSAI stay quiet, just absorbing her words. The way she said them, there was a hint of something I just couldn't place my finger on. It's like when you've been treated so horribly before and then find someone who treats you with real tenderness, that it's almost unbelievable.
Yes, that's it. She sounds as if she still can't believe just how considerate and caring Knox had been.
"Nyx," I say, drawing in a breath, "I want to ask you something and I'll completely understand if you don't want to answer." She shifts, all her attention on me.
"Okay. What is it?" My heart is pounding as I think of a way to broach the subject. I can feel sweat pool under my armpits.
"You are nervous," she observes. "Why?" I don't respond. I'm still trying to find the right words, a gentle way of asking without sounding too pushy.
"Con, Sadie, just ask." "Alright," I exhale. "Did you... did you have a mate before Knox?" There is silence. Pure silence.
Follow on NovᴇlEnglish.nᴇtFor a moment everything feels like it has been frozen in time. Like the world aroundhas been suspended.
I wait, barely breathing, as the seconds stretch endlessly. I wait for what feels like forever before I finally hear her soft voice.
"Yes, I did," she replies.
The air I was holding rushes out of my lungs. I wanted confirmation and got it.
Now that I have it, I don't know what or how to feel about it.
"W-what happened to him?" I ask, voice trembling.
She recoils, curling into herself as if she is trying to shield herself.
"I don't want to talk about it, Sadie," she whispers. "I'm not ready to talk about him." Her voice cracks on the last word, and I hear it in her voice. Her pain.
Her heartbreak. This isn't just a sore subject, It's a wound she's yet to heal from. It's something that once destroyed her and she isn't ready to relive that pain again.
I have the urge to push it, but I won't. I won't push her, but I can't help wondering what happened. Did he hurt her? Or did he die? The pain she's trying to conceal is pain that results from something devastating.
Silence settles between us, heavy and uncomfortable. Soon I start getting the urge to break it.
"I saw one of your memories last night," I start.
"Which one?" I describe what I saw. It's imprinted on my mind like a damn tattoo, making it hard to forget any of her memories. It's like slowly they are becoming mine.
Nyx had been surrounded by love. Xena loved her; that was clear to see, so what the hell changed? "I remember that day," she murmurs with a faraway look. "I felt so worthless like I didn't belong. My mother was this powerful, untouchable force. Xena was showing signs of being the same.
Follow on Novᴇl-Onlinᴇ.cᴏmAnd there I was-awkward, uncoordinated, powerless. I even wondered if I was adopted."
I understand her. They aren't my memories, but I've felt what she felt. And haven't we been there one way or another, feeling less than others? I used to feel that around Piper a lot.
"You were not weak, Nyx." I state, "I think we can both agree especially now, that you are not weak or powerless." She's quiet for a moment before she whispers in a shaky voice, "You say that now, but you have no idea what I had to go through to becwhat I am right now. What we are. You have no idea what I lost in the process." Her words stopdead.
What she had to do? What she lost? "Nyx..." "You are lucky, Sadie." She says quietly, "You don't know just how lucky you are." I freeze.
Lucky? Has she forgotten what I went through because of Alec? Or how I almost lost Aspen.
So why would she say I'm lucky, knowing very well what happened?
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